I want to keep the name of Wizard Howl, you see, but I do wish to start fresh with my blog, and update more often. It's really healthy for me to write here, I've kind of been bottled up lately, and I'm feeling kind of emotionally constipated, to be honest.

I don't exactly have anyone I consider regular readers, since I don't post much. I'm going to clean out my subscriptions as well as the blog, obviously keeping a few I read regularly.

Don't be surprised if things disappear. :D

I've heard a lot about sex in relationships lately, and a lot of opinions on how big of a part it should play between two attached individuals. Some people believe that sex is a detrimental part of a relationship, and should be used sparingly. Others think they should use it for their own benefit. Still others believe that it can be a part of a relationship, but it's not important. 

In my opinion, sex, for me, is more than physically connecting with your significant other. It's a deeper and more emotional kind of bonding. It's pleasing them in ways no one else can and allowing a different level of connection between yourselves.

Between my boyfriend and I, sex is not just a physical act, but an emotional and spiritual (not religious, don't get me wrong here) experience. It may not be this special for everyone. But when you have a deep connection like the one between Meron and myself, you'd see that sex can very well be a large and healthy part of your relationship. In some Asian medicine practices, sex is thought to replenish valuable energies within your self, both spiritual (still not talking about religion, think more like chi) and physical. Sex is proven to heal pains by creating a good energy flow and make your entire body healthier, from the outside in. It burns calories and even keeps your reproductive health in top shape. It also feels pretty damn good, and pleasing your partner is extremely rewarding.

I can understand the other viewpoints fully and completely. Sometimes people are led in the wrong direction, thinking sex can be used as a tool in a relationship to make things better, get what they want, or control their partner. There are people who just don't like the idea of sex. Whatever you choose or believe, good for you. However, unless you come to terms with what factor sex plays in your relationship, it cannot be fully enjoyable.

You also need to be open with your partner about sex as well, and nothing should be held back. If you feel uncomfortable discussing anything with said partner, then you should not be in a relationship with them. 

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On a more personal note, my family life has now become completely unbearable, to the point where I try to sleep over at my boyfriend's as often as possible and avoid being home whenever I can.

My brother texts me racial insults and remarks that are directed at my boyfriend constantly. He tries to time it so I'm with Meron, saying things like "Burn, Jew," and other such things...usually in German. Gladly, my boyfriend thinks these are hilarious, but I'm really upset and can do nothing about it.

It seems at this point that my whole family hates me for some reason. I dropped out of school for this semester, and this is UNGODLY when it comes to my family's credentials. Anyone in a four-year college or university is put on a high pedestal. I was already in the shitter on that scale since I was at community college. However, now that I'm not going at all, I've been completely shunned and no one really talks to me like I'm me any more. The remarks I get are about how I've completely disrespected everyone by not going to school, how I don't do anything (when my brother and sister sleep until 2pm and do nothing while I do THEIR chores), and how I should just move out because I'm not worth shit.

Most of these insults and such are coming from my siblings, none of which have a job. I work two jobs and I'm trying to buy a car, then move out so I can get the fuck away from these people. I can't go to school because I NEED to work, for my own sanity. I'm trying to find a THIRD job just for the excuse to not come home, because I can't go home any more.

When I say that, I mean I actually burst into tears on my way home from work or hanging out because I just don't ever want to go there. I don't want to set foot in my house because no one gives a flying shit if I did anything for them or not. I can't use the car that I pay for gas and insurance for, and I'm back to begging for rides and getting them wherever I can.

I get screamed at if i breathe wrong. It's beond stressful and I cry at the drop of a hat. It's disgusting, I hate it. And I want to leave.

Maybe another job will come through soon.

Would your boyfriend at least have the courtesy to tell you about them in advance?

I mean, mine very obviously didn't, since I'm asking. This past Thursday, I get a phone call from him and he seems excited. Upon inquiring as to why he is so excited (he's usually bored if he calls me), he tells me he is leaving in 7 days to go to Japan...for a month.

He mentions nothing about the fact that we've talked about going together before, about how he's promised to wait until next summer because a.) we're BOTH free, b.) we'd have more money to go on, and c.) the friend we are staying with and visiting won't be working during the summer, as he works at an elementary school. No, he's going, his uncle's paying for half of his airfare, his parents are giving him spending money, and he's paying for the rest of what he needs, and probably doesn't have enough. He hasn't set up his international phone plan, he doesn't know if he needs a visa, he hasn't even begun packing or even planning what he needs to pack and he can't figure out what he's going to do when our friend is at work all day. It's so last-minute that he's busy every day calling embassies, airlines, and other such places, and I'm stuck wondering if he ever once thought that I had plans for us for the holidays, since I was going to give him a trip to New York as a surprise gift this December because he kept saying we needed "time to ourselves".

And this is my dream. To go to Japan with someone I love, to have fun and stay with our friend whom we haven't seen in almost a year now that he's moved. I've wanted to go since middle school...and he knows that. I've told him. But he's not waiting. He says he has to "prove that he can go this year", that he "needs a trip". And I just don't understand.

I can't hold on to promises that we'll go next year. I can't think positive about the situation because he's essentially just leaving me behind for some last-minute dumbshit trip that he's just winging. And I dont even know if I can be happy for him, because he's not even paying for it all himself, and he didn't once think about me or how I'd feel about him leaving for a whole freakin' month.

If it had been me in his shoes, I would have seen the opportunity and asked in a heartbeat if he wanted to go, what he thought about the situation. He's known about this for months, I know, I can feel it in how he explains things and how he fidgets when he talks about it. It was such a blow when he told me that I can't even think straight any more. He's been selfish in the past but this...it just takes the cake.

I don't know. I'm going to have to deal with it, because I love him regardless. But before he goes, I'm going to sit him down and have a talk with him....and I'm not going to be soft about it.

Today, actually only a few hours ago, was the first time I really, truly had an emotional explosion at my boyfriend.

I've done it before on a small scale, but this time, I'd had it. I'm not having a good week due to stress (I have to find a second job, my new job promised me 20 hours, I'm getting 7-10 a week). My mom and brother are constantly screaming bloody murder at each other and that's something I can't deal with. No one really cares about what I do around my house--it's what I don't do that's always brought up. I've been a wreck. That kind of all contributed to it.

The situation that caused the final explosion, it seems, will never be remedied.  I'm always the one going to him. I'm always the person giving him rides, even to his new job now, and he never, ever, not once, has come to me. He will walk all the way to his other friend's house from work, but never mine. Even when alone time is promised, he chooses to go home and tell me he'll meet me there, or he says he's going to train.

Today I called him to talk to him calmly about it. We'd been texting before andI'd been short with him because I was in a mood. I come to find out his friend's there at his house.

The first thing he says to me (and I can hear his friend in the background) is: "Are you moody?"
His friend starts laughing and repeats the question, thinking it's funny that I'd be moody. Honestly? My boyfriend JUST asked me to go to a concert, and we couldn't make it, so I thought maybe we'd hang out. I guess since he started training, he didn't give a shit.
My reply to this stupidity was "Wow. Haha, so funny. I'll talk to you later I guess." And I hung up.
I then immediately texted him this message, because I could not bring myself to be calm over the phone: "Yes I'm fucking moody, because of COURSE now I have nothing to do, 'cuz everyone always expects me to come to them and it's the only way I can see you. Or get out AT ALL to do ANYTHING. So yeah, I'm fucking pissed at how my life is mostly making effort on my part to make ANYTHING happen within my group of friends or with you. And no, your friend does not have to know I'm moody so you guys can laugh about it while you're training. Ugh."

I've gotten no reply since.

He has no right to be mad at me, because I'm the only one who makes any effort. It's true. He barely does. I love him with all of my heart. But I need him to reciprocate, think ahead, give me full details on things. I'm second in his life even though I put him first.

Hopefully this will be resolved.

...be such a failure?

I'm talking about The Last Airbender movie, of course.

To give you an example of the level of failure it reached, let's just say Meron fell asleep. This is saying something, because Meron is a huge fan of the series, as am I. We're what the fandom calls "Avatards", people so in love with the series that we make inane references to it in everyday life and know each episode almost by heart.

Let me start out my little review by saying that any true "Avatard" should not, by any means, waste time, hope, or money on this movie.

There was absolutely no plot. They left out characters that will be essential to the other two movies, like King Boomie and Suki. Some-actually, most-characters like Master Pakku of the Northern Water Tribe were completely watered down, no pun intended. The movie exhibited no humor whatsoever and was too serious and fast-paced, as if M. Night Shyamalan watched the entire series on fast-forward to get an idea of what to film. It was hard to follow where the characters were going because little to no travel was shown, and where they were was unclear. Viewers had to wait until a character stated the location. To top that off, there was too much voice-over narration where the actual plot should have filled in and taken care of it.

The martial arts that was present in the cartoon was not at all present in the movie. What was there was a bunch of fancy flailing and flourishing. Nothing pertained to Tai Chi (waterbending), Hun Gar (earthbending), Northern Shaolin Kung Fu (firebending), or Ba Gua Zhang (airbending). There were a few stances that may have been attempts to represent the key styles, but they were feeble and horribly choreographed. For example, Aang's fight with Zuko in one scene showed him keeping to Zuko's back, a key component in Ba Gua, but it lasted a mere few seconds. As one of the main, essential interests in the series, this element should have been worked on a lot more. 

Bending also incorporated far too much movement for a single attack, whereas in the series it was clean-cut and the bender flowed with the element he or she was manipulating...the whole point of bending the elements.

The acting was beyond atrocious. Jackson Rathbourne (of Twilight fame) gave Sokka-pronounced SOHKA-absolutely NO personality, when Sokka is funny, outgoing, and provides a good humorous break from the action. Nicola Peltz was a wishy-washy, airheaded excuse for Katara. Noah Ringer, who played Aang, had no tone to his voice and wasn't the playful-yet-wise Aang we all know and love. All characters were blank and uninteresting, and no sort of fancy costume or armor helped liven up any of them. Fire Lord Ozai was fat and there was no mystery to him at all, Azula was revealed to be what looks like a 10-year-old, Zuko was less angsty and more brooding, and poor Iroh was a disgrace to his own name.

And don't even get me started on how whitewashed the movie was. Aside from the Indian Firebenders and the few Asian Earthbenders that appear, every character was the embodiment of white. It is in my understanding that the Water tribes are supposed to be based upon Inuit people, who are tanned and dark-skinned from sun reflecting off of snow, and the Airbenders are supposed to be similar to Shaolin monks.

Overall, the movie was a bland, uninteresting, crappy excuse for a film. It completely degraded the Last Airbender series and failed to portray at least a small semblance of what it was about. The series itself had so much potential as a movie, but none of that potential was shown.

If you enjoyed the Avatar: The Last Airbender cartoon series, I highly advise you not to see the movie. It was incredibly disappointing.